What Am I?

 I had a huge AH-HA moment about a week ago and have been trying to find a way to share with you that moment.  I was watching an episode of Dancing with the Stars with my daughters when one of the contestants said her coach Derek Hough said to stop being so negative and saying what you aren't and start saying what you are.  She said she started saying to herself and out loud I AM....... It got me thinking what am I?  I mean really what am I? What are you?  I bet if you made a list with what you are and what you are not you would have more negatives than positives.  I mean I can tell you what I am not!  I am not skinny, I am not athletic anymore, I am not healthy, I am not Brave, I am not Bold, I am not driven, I am not pretty, I am not I am not I am not.  Followed right behind by I cannot I cannot I cannot.
                  It's no wonder I have not succeeded with anything ever in my life.  I not only am my worst abuser I also don't believe what people tell me.  In the past month I have been called Beautiful, Kind, Generous, Bold, Brave, Driven, Honest, Positive, Genuine, Happy, One of a kind, Inspiring, Amazing, among many other positive things.  Let me tell you how many of those things I believed about myself.  Two, I above all try and be kind and honest in all things I do.

 The rest seemed like empty complements.  I mean of course my facebook profile looks beautiful I picked the best picture of me that was most flattering and that was after I spent plenty of time in front of the mirror to put my face on and curl the 100 lbs of hair I have, does that mean I always look beautiful, definitely not!  Most days I don't even do my hair. I decided Tuesday night to start saying to myself what I was the list was not very long but I tried.  Last Thursday I went to a friends house who is helping me on this journey, she called me many of those things listed above. THE entire time I sat thinking no I am not those things I have you fooled, I have everyone fooled I am not the person you all think I am.
                         I went home that night and thought some more about what I am.  It occurred to me in the back of my head if people keep saying these amazing things about you maybe just maybe they are true.  Could it be that you are all those things?  Why not, why not me, why can't I have everything I want and be everything I want.  And so it began, I said I am strong.... quitely in the back of my head. Was I strong? I had never shown strength before, I have always chosen the weaker path quit before the goal.  Not this time Jena not this time, you are stronger than the food, stronger than your head, and stronger than your body, you your spirit that God gave you is stronger than you could ever imagine, you are letting yourself be small when you were born to be big!  So today I AM STRONG, I AM BRAVE, I AM anything I want to be.  And so are you!  Take a step with me today and believe in you.